"Objectifying Men" © Kristina Sinutko
Recently I was talking with a man friend and he caught me by surprise when he said :
“You are advantaged as a woman because it is so much easier for you to make contacts”
Really?
I do admit being a woman helps me in some situations, generally involving a door opening or a drink offering (ain’t it appeasing?). Also, I have less dinner expenses than other male colleagues because men tend to take charge - this should be interesting for companies : when you think about it, hiring women will lower your expenses..Ok, let’s be serious.
Even in our westernized work environment, being a woman is not easy. A woman has to win professionnal respect through a long, long way full of obstacles especially in the early stages of her career. She has to be careful about what she wears, how she talks, how she reacts to sexist comments/jokes without appearing like an uptight feminist. She has to be in control without looking like a Russian soldier. If she’s decent, she has to be smart enough to politely reject powerful jerks without compromising her career.
In this game, a woman has to master skills a man will never have to.
So please Gentlemen, try to treat a woman with the same esteem you’d give if she was a man – but keep on opening doors.
Ladies, any comments?
This morning checking my emails :
“Hi,
I was glad to meet you yesterday at the Web event. I hope to see you again next time. I would like you to invite you to join my Linkedin network.”
What a nice message, so polite and all. Except that I changed my plans that night – how unpredictable of me, and didn’t go to that event, therefore never met that guy. So I thought :
- My identity was usurpated by someone networking in my back and using my personal email address.
- The guy has a networking disorder. Symptoms show a compulsive tendancy to copy-paste similar messages and send to mailing lists of participants to an event.
Man, I feel sorry for you. Next time make sure you actually met the person.
PS I haven’t replied yet, should I?
I am often asked if I prefer Beijing or Shanghai. I enjoy them both for different reasons. Yes Beijing and Shanghai are different in many, many ways. I just experienced one of them.
One thing I have always heard is that Shanghai is all about networking and business cards. Well, I have nothing against that, but I was still caught by surprise the other day when I went to a networking/party event to check out the Shanghainese expat scene.
I was happy to see familiar faces and even some friends who introduced me as a new-comer. Quickly, I discovered the local typical conversation starter with strangers :
- What’s your name? Where are you from? (not necessarily in that order)
- What do you do?
- Do you have a card ? (The exchange of cards is then followed by the end of the conversation, the primary objective considered being reached.)
Nothing more. I finally understood why everyone would mention the business cards effect in Shanghai. I don’t even have the card of people I’ve known for years in Beijing. It doesn’t matter up there. Maybe it’s because Shanghai is so huge that the people feel a constant need to connect with each other. Maybe because what really matters here is what you do, rather than who you are. Maybe it is just a long established social habit of the Homo Shanghaiens.
I didn’t bring cards that night. Really, when I’m out of the office, I am out of the office. I did see some surprise/doubt on faces when I said “Oh, I don’t have a card, I send you an email with my contact sometime”. That makes me wonder, in that big social game, is networking about exchanging cards? I ended up with ten of them (that is not much but I wasn’t even trying) and I only remember one or two cool guys because there was something more – not what you think.
How can you expect to be remembered if you don’t have time / interest to engage in a decent conversation? Be creative, be different. For some inspiration, check the related Trendhunter articles introducing trends that will help you stand out in the crowd.
On my side, maybe Shanghai will change my ways who knows? Still, I can’t help but believe there is something irreplaceable about connecting with soul, and Beijing wins on that point.
